


Songs on the Sea

by daintylemonsquare



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Clark is a singer on a cruise and Julian is Julian Larson, Cruise Ship AU???, M/M, is that a thing??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27970862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daintylemonsquare/pseuds/daintylemonsquare
Summary: Clark Sawyer is a singer on a cruise and he garnered the attention of one interested celebrity.
Relationships: Julian Larson-Armstrong/Clark Sawyer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. The First Verse

**Author's Note:**

> Let me preface this by saying that I have NO IDEA how cruises work and you're not allowed to judge me.  
> Also thank you to Ham and Lyn for giving me insight on what happens on cruises. I used some of that insight and twisted it into my image. <3

Performing on a cruise to provide some ambient noise and mild entertainment to a crowd that’d been pumped with alcohol from the moment they woke up wasn’t exactly the dream. It was half-bad either. No one heckled him, for a start, though he figured it was because they were all inebriated. That took the stage-fright away. He was playing for himself for the most part. Management didn’t care what he sang, as long as he did, and he talked about the various amenities on the ship in between sets. He waited for the crowd to become a little rowdy before opening the floor for requests, just to keep things somewhat interactive.

“Just shout it out! I’ll pick one at random,” Clark called to the audience. He leaned on his guitar, giggling as married couples shouted song titles from their youth, as people his age shouted more contemporary songs, and as teens who shouldn’t be drinking shouted for “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and “Old McDonald” 

Clark plucked a few strings, finding a tune to match a title. Meanwhile, he tried his best to talk over the shouts.

“I don’t remember how Mary Had a Little Lamb goes. Will you settle for Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star?” He said.

“I don’t think I was alive when that song was popular, I’m sorry,” he said.

“No, I will not do What Does the Fox Say! That requires a whole production. I don’t wanna butcher it,” he said.

“Anyway, here’s Wonderwall,” he said and that got a good laugh from majority of the audience.

And in that opportune moment of sobering laughter and a brief silence that spread through the room, someone said, “Anaconda by Nicki Minaj.” That earned another laugh from both the audience and Clark. “I dare you to sing Anaconda by Nicki Minaj.”

He squinted at the direction of the voice but could only see the outline of a grin. Clark pointed at the area. “I take dares very seriously!”

“Do it,” the voice countered. “You won’t!” A few people ooh-ed while the rest continued to snicker at the idea of some blond white boy singing a Nicki Minaj song with only a guitar in his arsenal.

Clark straightened his posture, looked at his chords, and waggled his head as he figured something out on the fly. He grasped for the music in his head. He tried to remember the lyrics to Anaconda.

“Choke!” The same voice laughed.

Clark couldn’t help but snort. “Never! I can figure this out, give me a sec.”

Then he hit a chord and a slow, soulful rendition of the song. “My anaconda don’t…” he sang at a higher register. He hit the chord again. “My anaconda don’t…” The audience cheered and shrieked with laughter. Clark found his footing and began plucking out the right notes. “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun…”

Despite a few awkward pauses and even more awkward lyric changes, Clark surprised himself that he reached the end of the song. As was the crowd, apparently, because that was the first standing ovation he got. Clark stood and took a bow for the first time too. Usually, when he stopped playing, he just told the crowd to enjoy the rest of their night and he’d get a smattering of applause at most. This was nice. That was fun.

“Thank you, thank you,” Clark said when he sat back down. “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall." And he began actually playing Wonderwall.

After his set, Clark walked backstage where Raven, a friend and the person in-charge of the sound whenever he wasn’t in the cruise lounge playing the piano, clapped him on the shoulder and congratulated him for a job well done. Clark found his dressing room, which was more of a dressing corner behind the speakers, where his guitar case and other belongings sat. He unbuttoned his shirt, to change. As he was reaching for another shirt, someone cleared their throat.

They were told when they were employed on this cruise that there would be a handful of important patrons joining them and to make sure to be polite and professional. They didn’t provide any specifics. Clark figured it would be CEO’s or, like, the owner of the cruise line, or the kids of the owner of the cruise line. Instead, Julian Larson stood in front of him. Clark gulped. His skin was actually flawless in person.

“Hi,” Julian Larson, one of the most decorated actor under twenty-five, said.

“Uh…sorry.” Clark put on his new shirt. His cheeks reddened. “Hi. You’re Julian Larson.”

Julian Larson’s grin brightened and Clark couldn’t feel his knees. “Yes. And you’re a great performer. How’d you figure out that Anaconda cover on the fly?”

“Adrenaline and divine inspiration?” Clark replied and he wanted to slap himself for such a stupid answer.

But Julian Larson laughed. “What’s your name?”

“Clork,” Clark coughed. “Clark Sawyer.” They shook hands and Julian’s hands were so soft. “I was going to ask who let you in back here but I think I can figure that out for myself.” Julian shrugged, pleased that it was obvious. “I guess…why then? Why are you here?”

“I just wanted to send my compliments to the performer. Usually, the singers on these cruises aren’t as creative or spontaneous. Also, I wanted to give you a tip myself.” Julian raised a wad of money folded into a square and presented it to Clark between two fingers. “Before you say anything, just accept it.” Clark accepted it. “Good boy.” The shiver that rattled up Clark’s spine was jarring but not unwelcome. “I’ll be around every time you perform. I like you.” Then he spun around without another word.

Clark stared after him then stared at the money in his hands. He unfolded it and found three hundred dollars.

He didn’t know what to feel so he decided to feel nothing and chalk that one up as a weird celebrity encounter.

* * *

Clark had a few nights off on the cruise. This was one of them. The ship was in open water so there wasn’t much else to do except explore the ship’s amenities, particularly the club where one of his friends worked. Sinny didn’t have a lot of chances to have nights off, being one of the best bartenders on the boat, but they could get away with hanging out with him by the bar. He didn’t partake in drinking so he was there for conversation and to bring his friends back to their quarters without getting into too much trouble.

“Should we do something?” Mikey, who also didn’t drink, asked over the din of the club as Raven, on Corey’s shoulders, lived his Cayote Ugly dreams by spraying the crowd in what could be beer but could also be water.

“Nah,” Clark said with a wave of a hand. Mikey laughed.

That was when he saw Julian Larson dancing with a woman underneath the spray and the strobe lights. He didn’t recognize the woman, but she was enjoying herself. Her hands were running up Julian’s arms and his hands weren’t visible from where Clark sat. She spun around and danced against him. She was beautiful, and so was he. Clark couldn’t quite figure out who was luckier out of the two of them, though he was inclined to think it was the young lady who was dancing against the celebrity. Clark should’ve looked away but he was glad he didn’t.

Another man joined the duo. Shorter and stockier than Julian. He danced around Julian and towards the woman. The two looked at him and Julian pressed his face to her ear, gesturing to the other man. She nodded, giggled as Julian kissed her neck, and continued to dance. The other man danced with them. Now Clark was sure that she was having the time of her life. Then Clark saw Julian’s hand gaze along the other man’s bare bicep as the three bodies pressed closer.

Clark raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t up to date with the gossip around Julian Larson but he looked around like he was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to be seeing. Mikey was busy helping Raven down Corey’s shoulders without hurting either of them. Sinny was talking to this guy at one corner of the bar who playing with Sinny’s necklace. No one could tell him what he saw was something he should be seeing or confirm that what he was seeing wasn’t his desires manifesting. He looked back to the trio and caught Julian’s gaze and wink.

Clark wondered if this was one of the reasons why people drank.

Julian left earlier than the rest of the party with the woman. The other man had found another woman to dance and leave with. Clark went back to his designated room driver duties, all the while thinking about that wink piercing through the heavy base and the flashing lights.

* * *

Clark didn’t see Julian around too often. He wasn’t sure if Julian showed up to every performance. He didn’t show up backstage like the first time. Clark searched the crowd even though it was futile against the stage lights. Julian Larson wouldn’t sit up front. Not even for him. Still, Clark stared at the shadows behind the lights, hoping to see that grin again.

Sometimes, he saw Julian walk around the deck when he himself had the chance to walk around. Typically, staff weren’t allowed to mingle, but he didn’t like cramped spaces and plenty of them broke this rule in manageable doses anyway. Clark saw Julian with the people he went on this cruise with. He never did see the woman from the club with this group, so he figured she was more of a fling than a companion. He thought Julian would be surrounded by other celebrities or at least people who was there to take care of his every need, but neither was the case.

Julian was with men around his age. Two white guys and one black guy. One of the white guys was the one he danced with in the club. The other, the blond with the frown, was holding hands with the black guy, who doted on him and always had sunscreen at the ready.

They were never introduced. Julian nodded at Clark whenever they passed each other by. That was it. Each time, Clark felt his face go warm with a smile. It seemed silly, to have a crush on a celebrity. He felt like a kid who bought a Tiger Beat magazine because his crush had the cover. But he figured it was natural. Julian was gorgeous. He couldn’t help it. There was no use squashing it because there was no chance that he could get with Julian.

He could, and Julian made it clear that he was open to hooking up with someone who didn’t have their face plastered on movie posters, but Clark wasn’t the type to hook-up. That was the problem. Julian would probably prefer to date an actual rockstar over someone who was still struggling to make that happen.

Clark wasn’t too bummed about that. It was just a crush. It wouldn’t amount to anything.

Still, that didn’t stop him from unloading his luggage onto his bed to search for the perfect outfit that would signal that he was pansexual and available to Julian Larson when they reached their next island stop. The tank top with a collage of sharks that were coincidentally the pansexual flag colors was a bit too much. Then he realized he was using all of his ridiculous, tropical-patterned shirts for his performances so all he had was the tank top. He put on a dad hat that said “out and about” and the flip flops he got from Pride last month.

He wasn’t going to go seeking Julian Larson but Julian Larson happened to see him and see his outfit, maybe they could go from there. He was glad that his friends were occupied today. He wouldn’t hear the end of it.

He looked at himself in the mirror. “You look fucking stupid. Perfect.” Then he left the room with a bag and some hope.

* * *

Clark didn’t see Julian for most of the afternoon. He figured he’d search for the sound of people saying “oh my god, Julian Larson” and “can I have your autograph” and there he’d be, but that wasn’t the case. Clark walked around, ate some of the local food, enjoyed some mango ice cream, and got a few souvenirs. He joined a tour around the island and its many coves. There were offers for scuba diving and promises of cliff diving. Clark looked at the sign-up sheet, considering it.

“Are you joining the tour?” Julian Larson asked over his shoulder.

Clark froze while his heart dropped to the ground and began sprinting laps around him. He turned to Julian, whose smile was as resplendent as ever. He remembered seeing that same smile endorsing a certain toothpaste brand years ago. He doubted Julian would appreciate him bringing that up though. “Hi,” he managed to say. “Yeah. Were you?”

“I guess. At least there’ll be a familiar face on board if you did go,” Julian answered. 

“Where’s your posse?” Clark asked when he sat.

Julian shrugged. “Derek’s chasing this girl somewhere yonder.” Julian flapped a hand to the general direction of land. “Morgan and Logan signed up for this Dungeons and Dragons thing back in the boat and there’s no way those big nerds will pass that up for, I don’t know, actually going outside on their vacation. Now I’m just looking for someone to enjoy this with, you know?”

“Cool.”

Julian the clipboard from Clark’s hand and signed up then passed it back to Clark. “I like your hat.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

Clark expected for it to go downhill, for the conversation to die and for the awkwardness to rise up ready to choke him to death. It certainly felt that way when Julian had droves of people on their boat asking to get a picture with him while the boat hopped over to their destination. Clark was in the background, offering to take pictures for the tourists. Through it all, Julian was smiling and joking around with the fans. Color him surprised to find Julian Larson sitting beside him, joking about how his work was never done, and then asking Clark what he did outside performing on a cruise.

“Random gigs here and there,” Clark said. “I’m a temp by day, musician by night. I play guitar for a lot of things, wedding things mostly, and I offer myself as a quick replacement if someone’s guitarist isn’t up to it for a performance. I’ve been dubbed the Patron Saint of Down on Their Luck Bands Who Play at Dive Bars. It’s on my Twitter bio. People reach out if their guitarist does something stupid before a gig. Shit’s wild.”

“Really?” Julian asked. “What’s the most last minute, craziest thing you’ve heard from someone asking you to sub in?”

Clark laughed immediately. “Okay, there was this one guy whose arm got stuck in a toilet.”

“Oh my god.”

Then they passed around stories for a few minutes, as they went from small island to small island. Clark talked about the gigs he’d been to and why he didn’t drink, while Julian shared a couple of zany Hollywood stories without dropping any names, which made Clark respect him a bit more, really. This conversation was put on pause when they went to the island where cliff diving was promised and Julian said that he’d race Clark to the top.

The boat they were on was anchored about fifteen feet away from the wooden ladder that was strapped to a ledge they had to climb up to get to the cliff. Julian jumped in the water before Clark could agree to the race. Clark followed soon after.

And when they got to the top, Clark said, “So, Nightwing, why don’t you show off how you do your own stuns.”

“I’ll let you call me that only once, Clork.” Julian smirked and did a full black flip off the ledge, twirling around as he dropped and finished with the perfect dive into the water. That had Clark’s heart thumping against his chest. He watched Julian resurface with a guffaw.

“Your turn,” Julian yelled.

The dismount was clumsy by comparison but it was a damn good cannonball if he could say so himself. When he breached the surface after his butt just grazed the sea floor, Julian was right there, clapping.

“Wanna go again?” Clark asked.

“Hell yeah!”

* * *

The afternoon went by in a splash. After their fifth time jumping off a cliff, feeling the rush of gravity and inertia whirling through them, and then having the water embrace their fall, Clark and Julian swam around, letting the waves carry them around for a moment. Julian talked about all the stunts he did and that one time he went skydiving. Clark talked about jumping around on a friend’s trampoline a lot and nearly breaking his neck.

And it was easy. So easy. Clark almost forgot that he was talking to Julian Larson. It was like he was catching up with a friend he hadn’t seen since he was a teenager And Julian touched him. A lot. A hand on the small of his back as they went up the path to the cliff, an arm around his shoulder while they waited for other people to jump, a hand on his arm when it was time to get back on the boat, a hand on his cheek when Julian noticed that he had a misplaced eyelash. Clark almost forgot that this was nothing more than what it was.

And even if it was, it wouldn’t go too far. Could it?

They reached a silence as the sun set and they were being ferried back to the ship. Julian sighed and turned to Clark. Clark kept his gaze and memorized the darker flecks of brown in Julian’s iris.

“So, Clark Sawyer,” Julian started. “Temp, Patron Saint of Down on Their Luck Bands Who Play at Dive Bars, and cruise performer. Are there any plans after all that?”

Clark was surprised Julian brought it up, or was even curious enough to bring it up. He noted the tired but content silence that had breached their boat back. It was like the bus ride home from a field trip. He supposed Julian felt it too.

“No, not really. Just something to line the wallet and keep myself from going homeless.” Clark chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “A few of us—some guys on the cruise—are thinking of starting a band. Then try making it big or whatever. It’s all still patchwork at this point but it’s less of a struggle.” 

Julian hummed. “You’ve got it in you. You write good songs.” Clark’s face folded with confusion. Julian crinkled his nose. “Last night? You performed one of your songs, right? The one with the stars above the conservatory and the stars below the conservatory?”

“Oh, you were there?” Clark turned away, hoping to hide how much he wanted to smile.

“I told you,” Julian said. “Every time you perform, I’ll be there. What? You expected me to give you a tip every time?”

Clark laughed once then kept himself from laughing any more to avoid disturbing the other people on the boat who were conked out. Julian’s smile brightened and it threatened to break Clark’s heart by how blinding and precious it was. “No. Of course not. I’m just surprised that you noticed.”

“Yeah, you slipped that in there with another song but I heard you. It’s a good song. Did you write it with your motley crew during break time?” Julian asked, half in jest.

Clark couldn’t say that he wrote it two days after meeting him. The same way he couldn’t say that he could hear the opening chords of a new song just by staring Julian in the eyes. His face was buzzing with a pleasant warmth. It wasn’t the same buzz as falling thirty to forty feet created, but it wasn’t unlike it either.

“Yeah. Something like that,” Clark said, unsure of how convincing he sounded. If Julian picked up on it, he didn’t say anything. “We’re performing the day before the cruise ends. Me and the band. They’ll join me for my set.”

“I’ll look forward to it then.”

It wasn’t too long of a ride back to the port. Clark walked with Julian to the ship without too many words exchanged, having expended them over the last few hours. When they were about to separate, and Clark said all of his goodbyes for now, Julian caught his hand, leaned up to Clark’s ear, and whispered what deck he was on and what his room number was. Clark would’ve blushed if he wasn’t already blushing from thinking about the second song he was writing about Julian Larson.

Julian squeezed his hand before walking away. This time, he looked over his shoulder before disappearing behind the bed. Clark was left to his stammering heart and his stammering brain, trying to figure out what he was going to do with the information he was given.


	2. The Second Chorus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark grapples with a few feelings he received from being around Julian Larson.

Clark could the beats of his heart against the roots of his teeth. He looked at his watch. Then again a minute later. Before they had reached the ship, before Julian told him what he did, Julian talked about how he promised to meet up with his friends for dinner then he’d go back to his room right after. Julian said he was tired. From the way he divulged his location, he made it clear that he wasn’t too tired.

Clark groaned and threw him back onto his bed. He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes. There was no reason to grapple with himself about this. Julian Larson just prepositioned him. There was nothing in between the lines. It was plain and simple. They were both grown men who were attracted to one another. It was normal. And it wasn’t like anything could amount to it after this cruise. Julian would probably leave this boat, recharged from his vacation, and forget about him in a couple of weeks or so.

And yet. And _yet_ Clark was greedy and delusional enough to want more. If this same thing happened while they were at the club, and Julian had danced with Clark instead of that woman, Clark wouldn’t be trapped in a whirlpool of overthinking. It would’ve been a one and done deal. Something to talk to the other guys about and feel a weird and useless sense of pride that he had sex with one of the most famous people in the world right now. But that didn’t happen. Clark had to get to know him and Clark had to enjoy the company more than he enjoyed the view. It could’ve been all an act too. Clark shouldn’t trust the charm of an award-winning actor, even if they were off the clock.

This was a bad idea. This was a mistake. This was only going to lead to him writing sappy sad songs.

Clark knew all these things and he still made his way to Julian’s section of the ship later that night. He bypassed security by lying to them about Raven needing him for a couple of songs because he was feeling unwell tonight. He found Julian’s room in a still hallway.

He raised his knuckles to the door and knocked. His pulse was in his teeth. His heart was doing a full trapeze act for all of his insides to watch. His mind was thinking too fast that it wasn’t processing anything.

This was a bad idea. This was a mistake. This was only going to lead to him writing sappy sad songs.

Julian opened the door in a luxurious plum robe. He grinned and everything inside Clark tilted towards Julian. He was stumbling through the threshold before Julian could pull him in by the hem of his shorts. The air around Julian was magnetic and palpable like the cologne he wore. Their lips crashed into one another as the door shut. Julian pushed him against it. He heard the lock click into place before he felt Julian’s hand slid up his shirt and Julian’s tongue slip into his mouth.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Julian said a breath away from their lips. It was enough time for Clark to inhale enough air for Julian to take away again.

Kissing Julian Larson was intoxicating. It was all Clark could feel all over his body, even as he grabbed Julian’s ass and Julian dragged him to the bed. Where their lips and tongues met was all Clark could focus on. He didn’t realize he was already lying down until Julian pulled away to strip Clark of his shirt. Then he could feel Julian’s weigh on him. He could feel Julian’s bare thighs. The heat that blended between the two of them turned feverish. Clark’s hands wandered up Julian’s legs to his hips. He gulped when he realized that his touch was unimpeded by fabric. Julian chuckled, dropping down to kiss him once more only to yank it away before Clark could lose himself to it again. His mouth followed Julian’s upward momentum. Julian pushed him down the bed. Then Julian untied his robe and let it fall.

Clark’s mouth watered so fast that a bit of drool dribbled out of one corner. Julian’s naked body, from his toned muscles, his unblemished skin, and hardened cock, was magnificent. “You like what you see?” Julian rolled his hips over Clark’s. The tiniest drop of pleasure rippled through every nerve in his body. Julian squeezed his biceps. “I think you do.” Clark sat up and held Julian by the back of the head, shoving their lips back together.

This should be easy. Giving in to his base instincts and his wants was supposed to be as easy as jumping off of a cliff. Julian should’ve made it easier. All Clark had to do was untether himself from what could be and from the possibilities he wanted to pursue and this could be over and done with in one night. Except, while Clark held Julian to his body, rolling them over and pinning him to the bed, his thoughts survived the heady flood of lust. They shouted for his attention. They reminded him of Julian’s smirk when he raced Clark to the top of the cliff. He remembered the way Julian laughed—from that dumb pun he made about seaweed to the stories he shared about working as a temp. He thought about how interested Julian was when Clark talked about how he wrote music and how Julian talked about his work outside of the glitz and the glamor. He pictured Julian’s eyes at sunset and how he could still remember the specks of dark brown.

He wanted more than this. But this was a bad idea. This was a mistake. This was only going to lead to him writing sappy sad songs. If they had sex, it was going to end and Clark didn’t want it to end. He didn’t know if he could have sex with Julian Larson and then let go of Julian Larson because he caught a bad case of feelings.

Clark stopped kissing Julian and pressed their foreheads together. “Stop,” Clark said. “Sorry. I have to stop.” He rolled off Julian. His temperature dropped to a more manageable height. He dragged a hand down his face and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m…I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“It’s okay…” Julian held a pillow against himself.

Clark was sure that it wasn’t but Julian was kind enough not to let it show. He sighed. He redid his shorts and sat up to look for his shirt.

“Do you need some water?” Julian asked.

Clark couldn’t bring himself to look at Julian right now. He shook his head. “No. I better go.” He could hear Julian’s response revving up in his mouth, but Clark jumped in its way to say, “It’s not you. It’s just—” His sigh turned into a chuckle. “I don’t usually hook up with people, much less celebrities. I’m not the hooking up type. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

Julian’s voice was too modulated for Clark’s liking, but he continued anyway, “I promise I won’t go bragging about it to anyone,” he said while he put on his discarded shirt. “I’m not the type either. I better go. I’ve wasted enough of your time.”

“…Okay?” There was at least some consolation that Julian sounded more confused than upset.

Clark couldn’t get out of there faster without looking like he was running from a murder scene. That was mortifying. There was so much more he wanted to say. He could’ve stood there and waxed poetic about how much he preferred that they went on another, proper date, and how much he wished whatever this was could be more than just a one-night stand. Unfortunately, all of the signs pointed to this doomed flight of fancy.

When Clark got back to his room, he took all of clothes off and took a long, cold shower. Finally, his thoughts shut up.

* * *

Clark didn’t see Julian for a few days, which was fine. He tried not to search for him in the crowd of his performances. If he was there as he promised he would be, he didn’t make his presence known. He kept his head down when he walked around the deck. It wasn’t quite out of sight, out of mind. Julian still trotted around his thoughts and danced around in his music. But it was better this way. It wasn’t going to lead to anything and Clark wanted his romantic entanglements more substantial. As the last days of the cruise came closer to Clark’s present, he agreed with himself that this was for the better. At least he could yearn in peace and not feed into what could be if they continued past a point of no return.

His friends noticed he was writing more during practice, but didn’t continue to prod when Clark waved it off as “nothing.” They offered their ears and their comfort. Clark was thankful for it. But he much rather be off this boat before he bore his dumb decisions to his friends with no chance of escape other than jumping off the side into endless water.

One day, however, “nothing” swung by while Clark was setting up their rehearsal space (it was his stage with their instruments crammed) while waiting for the others to show up. “Nothing” had a glass full of wine in one hand and a lopsided grin. It was late in the morning. Sunlight cast several lines across the room. “Nothing” crossed them. Clark had nowhere to run to. He stood under a beam and he was flawless.

“Hey, where’s your band?” He asked, taking a sip.

“They’re working…Why are you here?” Clark asked.

Julian pulled out a seat and sat. “I was a little tipsy and in the neighborhood. Nothing like live music to relax to with some wine. Why? Do you want me to leave?”

Clark fought back a cringe. “No. Of course not. I just thought, you know, after that one night…I kinda left it weird so I didn’t expect you to go seeking me out.”

“Well, I’ve had more awkward ends to a hook up, trust me. You’re not immune to it even if you’ve got all the fame in the world. It’s a little scarier, actually,” Julian replied.

“Sorry,” Clark said. He crossed his legs underneath him and leaned on his guitar.

Julian aborted drinking from his glass to say, “No. Don’t be. Admittedly, my pride felt a little bruised and I was a little frustrated, but I can take a ‘no.’ No harm, no foul. I understand not being the type to hook up with someone you just met. What I can’t figure out is why I haven’t seen you around. It’s like you’ve disappeared from this boat except for when you perform. I used to see you around more often.”

Clark blushed. He wondered if that meant Julian was looking for him or if he was around too often that he became a common fixture on the ship that Julian was simply used to seeing. “You still watch me perform?” Clark asked.

Julian shrugged. “Yeah. Even if you did leave me in the cold, you had your reasons. It won’t stop me from enjoying a good performance.”

“Thanks,” Clark said with a chuckle.

Julian drank some more wine. “So…are you avoiding me?”

“No. Not exactly. It’s… a lot,” Clark said.

“I’ve got time. I’m on vacation,” Julian countered. 

Clark sighed. He looked at the guitar string he was fiddling with. His fingers found a couple of chords then he let it fall limp. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. He couldn’t decide if it was more embarrassing to explain the machination of every moving part of how much he wanted Julian and what it would mean and what it would entail and how he knew Julian wasn’t going to give it to him. He could turn Julian away, make him leave, but that was cruel. Clark wasn’t cruel. Neither was Julian, who waited expectantly, drumming his fingers along his wine glass.

He took a sip. This was one of those times Clark wished he drank. It felt like as good a time as any.

He put his hands back on the fret and found the chord. He began plucking soft melancholy from the strings and he vocalized the wordless melody. The lyrics were buried in the part of his mind that housed all of his words. He fixed his gaze on Julian and tried to convey what this song was going to be about when the music finally met the lyrics. It was about longing for something that he knew was a hopeless cause. It was about the excitement of tangled bodies but also the excitement of eyes just meeting underneath the right light. It was about the fight between his whims and his logic. This was the song Julian made him write.

Clark could see in Julian’s expression that it was dawning on him. As the last note rang in the empty room and Clark throat was suddenly dry, they stared at each other. Clark looked away first. He held his guitar closer, as if it was a shield.

“That’s it,” he said.

“That was definitely it,” Julian said, and tipped the rest of the wine into him. Then from his pocket, he pulled out a lollipop and unwrapped it. “I’m trying to quit smoking,” he explained. “But damn do I want a cigarette right now.” Clark tried to apologize again but Julian raised his hand. “I’m not done. There was a time where I had songs written for me. It was a phase. I was young. I was trying to put all my fingers in every pie I could find so I wouldn’t have to rely on my parents’ last name. But, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone write a song for me about me. You’re something else, Clark Sawyer.” He put the lollipop in his mouth and smiled. Clark’s chest was constricting around his heart, which was trying to beat its way out.

“It still doesn’t answer my question. Not really,” Julian said.

Clark worried his lips between his teeth. He nodded to himself. “Okay. I’ve got a question for you.”

Julian rolled his eyes then pulled out his lollipop. He was about to say something but sighed. He waved the lollipop at Clark for him to continue. “Alright. I’ll play.”

“What are you going to do after this cruise?” Clark asked.

“Go back to work. I’ve got a sequel to film,” Julian answered.

“Right. And you’ve got your movies and your award shows. I’ll be back in my apartment that I share with three other guys so rent’s manageable and to my odd jobs,” Clark supplied. “Does that make more sense to you?”

Julian paused. His eyes flit around, lost in thought. Clark feared he wasn’t sober enough to have this conversation but Julian put the lollipop back in his mouth and nodded. He stood up, holding his empty wine glass by the stem. He approached the stage. Clark held his guitar tighter.

“What if,” Julian started, “I said that I like your odd jobs and the stories you told me about your apartment?”

“Then I’d say you’re full of shit,” Clark retorted. Julian laughed. Clark could write chorus after chorus about that laugh. Still, he shook his head. “I’m serious, Julian.”

“I know you are, so am I,” Julian said. He rolled the lollipop around in his mouth. He reached up and put a hand on Clark’s hand where it rested on the guitar’s waist. Clark was reminded of how their body heat played off of one another. With his free hand, Julian took the lollipop out of his mouth. He leaned up to Clark’s ear. He could smell the wine and cherry when Julian said, “Do you have something to write on?”

“Why?” The word shuddered out of Clark.

“I’ve got a surprise,” Julian said.

Clark scrambled behind him to his backpack. He took out his notebook, flipped it to the very back, and handed it, along with a pen, to Julian. He wrote on it then tossed it back after a few beats. Clark looked down at a series of numbers.

“When we’re off this ship,” Julian said before Clark could, “call me. I hope you’re the type to date.”

Clark closed the notebook and watched Julian grin at his bemusement. He started and stopped a few sentences until Julian laughed, making him laugh too. With relief, with glee, with incredulity. Then Julian leaned on his knees, tapping the lollipop on his lips. Clark was close enough that he could once again count the specks of dark brown in Julian’s irises.

“Can I kiss you before I go?” Julian murmured. Clark nodded. Julian went on the tips of his toes to kiss Clark who was still sitting on the stage. The taste of wine cut through the sweet varnish the lollipop left. Clark breathed Julian in and felt him smile against the kiss that had every part of Clark’s soul glow gold. The kiss continued until Clark could feel nothing but the stars that swayed behind his closed eyes and the way Julian’s warmth spread from his hand to Clark’s cheek, down to his ever-quickening pulse.

When the kiss ended and time started again, Julian and Clark shared a giggle. Clark touched the hand Julian had on his face. He brought it to his lips and kissed Julian’s knuckles. That was when he noticed the gang of astonished men standing several feet away at the entrance. Julian whirled around, this time he fought more giggles.

“See you around, Popstar.” Julian brushed his knuckles across Clark’s chin then turned around. He put the lollipop back into his mouth, nodding to the others. “Have fun at practice, boys.” Then he walked out as if nothing happened.

Everything had happened. Clark couldn’t erase how everything happened from his smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs I listened to while writing this:  
> Bet You Wanna by Blackpink feat. Cardi B  
> Lovesick Girls by Blackpink

**Author's Note:**

> Songs I listened to on repeat while I wrote this:  
> Into You by Ariana Grande  
> Nothing But My Feelings by Little Mix
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imNiSM1rnUI - That Anaconda cover.


End file.
